Taliban to bid for Pamela Swimsuit

In a move to destroy, what it claims to be the most potent symbol of American cultural imperialism, the Taliban is planning to bid for the swimsuit that Pamela Anderson used in Baywatch.

The Taliban Auction Team

“Inshallah, we’ll lay our hands on that filthy dress”, a Taliban leader told a private Pakistani news channel, yesterday. There was a minor controversy about the actual meaning of what was said, and some Pakistani intellectuals are still debating whether he said “lay our hands on” or “bring back home” or “cut with our swords”. But, they’re unanimous about the words “filthy dress”.

The filthy dress

“There is no phrase in Pashto that translates to ‘laying our hands on’”, a senior Pashto scholar said over a panel debate, claiming that it’s most likely swords or daggers, that are being alluded to.

The red swimsuit in question, was worn by Pamela Anderson, while playing lifeguard C.J. Parker in the hit TV series “Baywatch“. The swinsuit is expected to fetch $2,900 when it goes under the hammer this month, as a part of the auction of Hollywood memorabilia.

“Price is no issue. Inshallah, we’ve enough opium to buy the whole of Hollywood if needed”, the leader added. “But we would like to start with destroying that filthy dress”.

US President Barack Obama has underplayed the threat, saying that the group belongs to what he calls ‘the good Taliban’, who “just like any honest, tax-paying, worrying-about-health-insurance, Americans, are just interested in buying the most sought-after piece of clothing in the whole of America, if not the world”.

There are reports that some Democratic Party senators are strongly opposing this threat of “outsourcing”. Obama administration is considering a 100% tax rebate, for any American who buys and keeps the swimsuit on American soil.

Taliban, meanwhile, is planning a public flogging of an effigy dressed with the red swimsuit, once they “lay their hands on that filthy dress”.

KBNN.

Met department to delay daily forecasts

The India Meteorological Department, or the Met Department, in a move to improve its terrible track record in daily weather forecasts, has decided to delay the forecasts by forty-eight hours.

“Normally, we forecast the day’s weather a day in advance”, the spokesman for the Met Department, while addressing a press conference, in Pune “However, we realized that we were being too aggressive. After much deliberation, we decided that we should prioritize on getting the predictions right, even if that means a couple of days of delay. We’re hoping to cut down the delay to just one day, but we’re not going to worry to much about that, at this point”

While answering the KandaBatata reporter’s question: “Have you considered upgrading the equipment, in the near term, to improve the prediticions?”, the spokesman answered in the negative.

“No. That’s out of question. In fact, with these new revisions in our methodology, we would hardly need any instruments. We’re expecting significant cost savings in maintenance, too”

Another reporter asked if there are any plans to auction out existing instruments, when the spokesman said that it’s under consideration.

“We’re definitely looking into it. However, there are a lot of security considerations to be taken into account. Besides, no one is sure how much the instruments are worth, if anything”

Public opinion is divided on the Met decision.

“On the one hand, everyone will welcome an accurate prediction. But unless we have time travel, a prediction that comes a day later will hardly be useful, except for historical purposes”, said blogger, on the promise of anonymity.

“It’s a welcome move. It’s high time we had some accurate predictions”, a consumer activist from Pune said. “No, I’m not worried about the timing. As it is, the predictions are worthless today”

[KBNN Report]