Excerpts from Shobhaa De’s Olympics Diary:

Aug 14, 2016
sdeI don’t get this excitement over 100m running. The most hyped sporting event. It doesn’t even last ten seconds. Many men with premature ejaculation problem last more than that. Why is it such a big deal?
Aug 15, 2016
For a moment I was worried Deepa will clinch a medal in Gymnastics, and I will have to do a sexual gymnastics. Damn it. Textual. Must shift to electronic diary. No whitener needed!
Thank god this wasn’t on twitter. Then again, that would have got a lot of RTs.
Aug 16, 2016
All these trolls going on and on about Deepa, when she didn’t even win a fucking medal, after risking her life for it. I mean who does that? And then they disparage me, a best selling author. If only I’d got a Padma award or something. No chance now with BJP govt in power. Those puritans will never get my emancipating writings. Anyways, just a few days to go and then I can have a #IToldYouSo tweet. Ha! And more trolls, more RTs. Can’t wait for it to get over, the Olympics.
Aug 17, 2016
This Sindhu girl seems to be hell bent on spoiling my party. Thankfully that male shuttler (what was his name again? ambi something, who the fuck has that kind of name) didn’t make it. Two medals in badminton would have really been embarrassing. I hope that Japanese girl is good. I like the Japs. Killer eyes. And what a sex culture! And violence too! India is destroyed by Victorians.
Aug 18, 2016
Medal in Wrestling, that too a woman. Damn it, this will be hard to diss. If only it was a male, I could have ranted about how it’s a masculine game, symbolizing outdated patriarchal culture. Anyway, just 1 bronze, so I could still laugh when it’s all over. Unless that Jap screws up. They are good at screwing I’ve heard, these Jap girls.
Entry #2:
Oh God! Another medal. And at least a silver. If I had shut up, I could have made a nice tweet about “silver lining”, and all that. Still, just two medals for a country this size. Must rub that in when it’s over. For now, should just go and tweet about silver lining. I’m sure trolls will still have something to say. I hope so.
Aug 19, 2016
Damn trolls. Hounding me. And reporters too. Congrats kiya na. It’s just a freaking silver right now. If you cut it into billion pieces, won’t even buy you a roti. Or a tabloid. I mean, for fuck’s sake, please!
Anyways, I’m still in the news. That’s what matters. I think it would be good if Sindhu actually wins a Gold. Then more trolls will talk about me. Those idiots! They think they’re hurting me. I’ll kick them in their balls tomorrow. No male has won a medal yet, and the Olympics is almost over. Balls!
Must talk about women power in tweets …

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