Gabbar, the Great Leader
I have watched Sholay multiple times. Not recently, but I’ve watched it so many times in my adolescence that I don’t need to rewatch it. I can practically play the clips in my mind whenever I want. But while I’ve it itched in my memory, very recently I had these revelations about it, that I have neer had before. Blame it on the lockdown.
So here is my central thesis: Gabbar Singh is a great role model for the modern corporate leaders. Don’t believe me? Let me explain.
Gabbar is Data Driven
What’s the most iconic line that comes to mind when you think of Gabbar? “Kitne Aaadmi The”. Later in the same scene, when he takes a revolver from his minion, he asks, “kitni goi hain iske andar” — see, even when he’s livid with rage, he is still collecting data! “Holi kab hain? Kab hain Holi?” he asks before planning his strike. He knows the value of data!
Yes, Gabbar is the quintessential data driven leader, gathering data before taking action.
In fact, he’s always asking questions. “kya samaz kar aaye the, ki sardar bahut khush hoga?”. He doesn’t assume anything. Wants to cross-check with his employees what they were thinking! Such a cutie.
Gabbar is Transparent
Gabbar believes in transparency. He doesn’t sit in a closed cabin where things happen. He conducts his business out in the open. He believes in open-culture, where all deliberations happen in plain view of everyone in the team, not behind walls and doors.
Open office plans anyone?
Gabbar is Fair
Another iconic Gabbar line: “Aadmi teen, aur goliyaan che, bahut nainsaafi hain”.
The guy believes so much in fairness that he fires three shots in the air to make sure that there are only three bullets for three people, and then he randomizes the outcome, by rolling the bullet cylinder so that even he doesn’t know which chamber is empty and which chamber has a bullet.
Kaun karta hain itna team ke liey, yaar?
Gabbar Knows the Importance of Branding
Remember he’s not pissed because his men botched up the job. He’s pissed because they diluted the brand value! He’s proud of the bounty on his head. And the fact that mothers tell their kids:
“so ja beta, wanra gabbar aa jaayega”.
He’s built his brand, and when his employees are endangering it, he loses it. “Yeh teen ha**mzaade, Gabbar Singh ka naam pura mitti me milayenge”. It’s then that he gets angry at them, not because they couldn’t deliver.
That’s brand commitment for you!
Gabbar Has the Best Mission Statement
Imagine you’re the leader of a gang of dacoits. A group of uneducated, uncouth men who kill for money. Armed and dangerous, and with intent to kill if required. Ready to kill to protect their lives and their livelihood requires killing. And not think of Gabbar, coming up with a mission statement for such an organization.
Can you come up better than this: “ Jo dar gaya, so mar gaya”. Clear, concise, inspiring action, and with excellent recall! Learn it, you mission statement creator b***hes!
Gabbar is Decisive
When all three of his worst performers are saved by the upper-management (luck), he takes things in his own hands, and takes decisive action, making sure that everyone understands that he will step in if they don’t step up, or circumstances are not favorable for the company.
Kahan milte hain aaj kal aise leaders?
Gabbar is High on Communication
Yup. While he is a man of action, he is not like Tuco: “When you’ve to shoot, shoot, don’t talk”. He understands the power of communication. So Gabbar talks to his team, to his competitors, to everyone. He at times over-communicates, but never under-communicates.
“Bahut yarana lagta hain”
“To ab goli kha”
“Yeh haat mujhe de de thakur”
All of these lines are spoken when he has the absolute upper-hand, with a lethal weapon in his hands! But he’s not all about power, he knows the value of communication.
So there you are! A complete modern corporate leader, if ever there was one! If you see any more leadership principles being exemplified by the great Gabbar, do drop a line in the comments below. And yes, Like.Share.Subscribe. Or don’t! We’ll still be here!
The Objective of Demonetisation was to Tally RBIs Currency Figures – Arun Jaitley
In an exclusive interview with KBNN, Finance Minister Arun Jaitley explained the real objective of demonetisation.
“After ten years of UPA and tons of scams, the Govt could not trust the figures of currency in circulation. Even the RBI was not confident of its own figures. That’s where Modiji came up with this brilliant idea of forcing people to bring back all the major printed currency, thus making it easier for RBI to count it. No other prime minister would have dared to take such a bold step”, Mr. Jaitley said.
Answering to the questions about whether demonetisation fulfilled its objectives, Mr. Jaitely said, “of course. Every action of this government is hundred percent successful. We were able to count the notes and confirm that RBIs figures were indeed correct”
But why did the government not say so before?
“We couldn’t have just said, look, this is just to count the currency, you see”, he added. “It would have undermined confidence in the RBI, not to mention the government”
So why is the government mentioning it now?
“But, you see, the RBI was proved right. And so was the government. So there is no point in hiding it anymore, is there? Besides this will finally shut up all the naysayers who are criticizing demonetisation without knowing its real purpose”
Now that the currency is counted, can we assume that there won’t be another demonetisation in the near future?
“Not to count the notes, for sure. But we may do it to bring back the black money, you see”
Chetan Bhagat to Sue American Sexbot Company for Stealing His Idea
India’s number one best-selling intellectual, and writer of what would in future be called pathbreaking novels about contemporary Indian culture, Chetan Bhagat, has decided to sue US firm, Abyss Creations for appropriating his idea. The firm recently made public its plans to sell a sexbot product, named Harmony, who according to the news “Will have sex, whenever and however one wants, no headaches or PMS, no rows about commitment, and always turned on”, the only downside being, “she can’t do housework, and won’t be a fun on night outs”
Bhagat, in an angry tweetstorm, accused the US firm of lifting the idea from his bestselling book, now made into a Bollywood movie, named “Half Girlfriend”
“Harmony is half girlfriend. Even quarter wife”, he tweeted. (Quarter wife is rumored to be a sequel to Half Girlfriend, as per unconfirmed information received by the KandaBatata research team).
Bhagat has a history of controversy over his work. His debut book, Five Points Someone was a major sensation in Indian literary scene, and which made a lot of people believe they can write books too (and boy, did they write!) The book chronicled life in India’s premier technology institutes, that everyone who didn’t attend such institutes found a very authentic portrayal of life in such institutes. A major Bollywood movie, that was the highest grosser movie of its time, had a very similar plot to begin with, but somehow managed to make Bhagat’s writing seem deep by comparison. Bhagat had felt cheated about the writing credits, but later closed the controversy in the interest of the unity of the country, and went on to write another best-selling book about the unity of the country, that was also made into a movie.
“The similarity between the concept of Harmony and of half-girlfriend is way too much to be accidental”, tweeted Bhagat. “I’d say, it’s at least 70%”, said the next tweet (incidentally, 70% is what he felt was the similarity between Five Points Someone and the Bollywood flick based on it).
The reaction to Bhagat’s tweetstorm was mixed. There was some trolling from the left-liberal crowd.
“Harmony is probably more real than Bhagat’s female characters”, tweeted @MansplainMePlease.
“I’m with @chetan_bhagat. A girlfriend who does not have PMS could only be conceived by him”, said one @MalsalaSahiba.
“But wait, how will this Harmony sell in India”, tweeted @WhyChr0m0s0me. “A girl who doesn’t say no to sex. What fun is that for Indian men”, said the next tweets, “They cannot prove their mardangi, by making her submit.”
Bhagat, meanwhile, said that he’s contemplating legal action. However, many are writing it off as a publicity stunt for the eponymous film based on the book that’s released this week. Bhagat also has words for the naysayers: “The self certified literary elites in India have always been jealous of me. The elephant marches on, while dogs keep barking”.
Abyss Creations refused to comment on the issue.
McDowell to Release New Ad on Nov 9
McDowell is all set to release a new ad featuring Russian President Vladimir Putin, North Korean Supremo Kim Jong Un, and United States president Donald Trump, when Trump becomes the 45th president of United States of America.
Here, at KandaBatata, we’ve an exclusive preview:
Kanda Batata 